Now that I know I want to know, but given the choice prior I would have much preferred he never told me. If the couple therapist is professional enough, the right approach for you as couple will be found. Maybe the guilt will eat you alive. Now, think about how men handle suffering. For some people, the only way to forgive themselves and have a clear conscious is to tell their partner the truth, apologise and hope they can be forgiven. They could have told you that things are not going well in the relationship and made it clear that continuing it may not be the best thing.
Your spouse may feel they have lost the person they invested so much time, effort, love and intimacy. I wanted to divorce, but was afraid that she'd make their life a living hell. But do you intend to do it again? Would you be able to control yourself if the same opportunity came up again? If your intention is to bring the revelation of your affair to your partner as a means to deconstruct your relationship in a healthy, progressive fashion and fix the broken bits that led to the affair in the first place, then confessing your transgression may lead you and your partner to an even better place. But you're also fearful about having to face and deal with your mate's reaction. However, once you have become the basis of his reality, everything changes. Counseling is vital, too: Making the commitment see a therapist with her rebuilds trust because it shows your commitment to her and to the two of you as a team, Walkup says. But a long-term affair—especially one where you develop feelings for the other person—needs to be discussed with your partner, says Weiner-Davis.
Instead, Dr Flemming suggests that individuals who have cheated on their partner should focus on themselves and identifying the reason behind the affair. I knew a stunningly beautiful married woman that had a face of a supermodel. There was fooling around but no sex, in the end I got my head together and just went home. Again, there are no simple answers and every situation is unique. They have the illusion that no one will know.
I am gut wrenched over this but I am leaning on the side of not confessing. We had a long talk and she supported my request and rationale. Honesty is great, but it's an abstract moral principle. Reactions to the Cheating Most people react blindly when they find out their partner has had an affair, which may lead to actions of revenge that they later regret. In other words, what are the limits? And it might be a deeper and more intricate situation than that, anyway. If you feel badly about your infidelity and can be honest about what you did, then your relationship can not only survive, it can thrive. Your relationship is dealt a potentially devastating blow.
It is impossible to state a universal answer to this question that will work for all situations. You can't have two people and by cheating, you've chosen the other person. Even if you break up, get therapy either individually or as a team; it's a great way to create a respectful departure that leaves you both with as few psychological scars as possible. Your guilt will continually haunt you until you come clean to your spouse. Clearly some pretty significant stuff isn't working if you're in this situation.
Heck, I'll even bet that your spouse used to make you feel this good long ago, but somehow life got in the way and your relationship changed. And it feels wonderful because it was a line they were hungry to cross. Well, none of these are great strategies, but you have to assume that there's a hidden wisdom. Keep your mouth shut if you love your partner, and it was only a one time thing. This time I did not tell her anything. It was a dumb move, that boosted my ego. He is a monster, now trying to be a good decent man.
Some things are better kept to ourselves, and in certain situations, this might be one of them. But just make sure you go into the explicit details while explaining yourself. Also, the clear conscience doesn't hurt, although that shouldn't be your biggest concern. When people first find out they have been cheated on, they want to tell everyone in their family and friends circle. Maybe the right approach is to tell your spouse about it, in front of the therapist, or maybe it is to keep it to yourself. Constantly saturate your mind with these chapters and having an affair will scare the living daylights out of you.
And where do you have the time you had when you were falling in love? I did it once and will never do it again. People use the relationship as a way to get out of the marriage. I used to hate people who cheated when I was younger. She will not confess and without that this will end very badly. So do I tell or keep my mouth shut? I am now torn about telling him.